Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Usually our blog is very upbeat and not very sappy, but i'm having a sappy kinda day. i don't understand Christ a lot. there's a mystery there that is so intriguing to me, but sometimes it is very frustrating to not know everything. part of that mystery is God's timing. i know deep down that God knows what's best for me and for our family, but i also have a human will that i wish i could just turn off and on when i want it that way. all at that same time, it seems that what you want, everyone else has, and that you are the only one that doesn't have it. it's not true, it's just extrememly frustrating. i get frustrated with myself for not trusting and having enough faith to put the whole situation in God's hands; i get frustrated with other people who get what i want, and i want to be excited for them, but it is very hard. i also get frustrated with my jealousy and bitterness. i know these are wrong, but it's so hard not to be. i have such a hard time trying to figure out what i need to do and where i go for the comfort that is needed. i'm sorry that this is so depressing, it's just everything that's on my mind right now. SO, i do need to get back to work. if you think about it, just pray that i would have contentment and in that contentment, trust that God DOES know what He's doing, because i know He does. also pray that God would give me the desires of my heart and line up His desires with mine, becuase ultimately, His are all that matter. thanks.